The planet Zeltros and the Zeltron race

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Zeltros: Pleasure Planet

The planet Zeltros:starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Zeltros
The Zeltron race: starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Zeltron

Compiled by Cory J. Herndon

Since the ancient days of the Old Republic, the planet Zeltros has been considered a jewel of the Inner Rim -- a planet whose people value pleasure and personal gratification (of all kinds) above everything else, a world that always has room for more guests at any celebration. At any given moment, at least eighty percent of the population is engaged in some sort of merrymaking. But thanks to Zeltron pheromones that literally make fun contagious and Zeltron fighting skills that almost every non-Zeltron underestimates, not even the Empire has been able to successfully invade or occupy the planet.

Our first installment is excerpted from the pre-Clone Wars edition of the popular tourist guide Luxury on the Inner Rim.

Planet: Zeltros
Planet Type: Terrestrial
Climate: Temperate
Terrain: Cities, forests, oceans, lakes, rivers
Atmosphere: Breathable
Gravity: 0.92 standard
Diameter: 11,397 km
Length of Day: 25 standard hours
Length of Year: 312 local days
Sentient Species: Zeltrons
Language: Basic
Population: 5.3 billion
Species Mix: 91% Zeltrons, 9% other
Government: Popular monarchy
Major Exports: Art, entertainment, luxury goods, high technology
Major Imports: Gourmet consumables
System/Star: Zel
(Zeltros Terrestrial type with 2 moons)
Region: Inner Rim

The Ultimate Vacation Destination: Zeltros

As the saying goes, "One Zeltron is the life of the party; on Zeltros, life is the party." Since the earliest days of the Republic, the planet Zeltros has been known as one of the biggest tourist destinations on the Inner Rim, and it's easy to see why. Everyone loves Zeltrons, and everyone who's been there loves Zeltros even more!

Zeltron artists of all disciplines are renowned throughout the galaxy, and it's no exaggeration to say that their entire homeworld is an ever-changing exhibition of aesthetic skills. When not creating dazzling erotic sculpture, sensual dance numbers, or some of the most pulse-pounding theater this side of Coruscant, Zeltrons are celebrating life to the fullest in a never-ending party.

Book your tour today, and enjoy the following testimonials from satisfied travelers!

"I never thought I'd find true love on Zeltros, and I didn't. What I did find was a double-jointed Zeltron cafarel named Lissahl who taught me the errors of monogamy. I might never leave!"
-- Jiri Sools, freighter captain

"Sure, I'd heard the stories, but I didn't believe them. When you've been in this business as long as I have, you learn a few things: Nothing's more dangerous than arguing with a Wookiee, nothing's more foolish than gambling with a Jedi, and nothing's more alluring than a Twi'lek dancer. But I'm here to tell you that last one is wrong. If you like your humanoids flexible, svelte, enthusiastic, and in multiple shades of red, then the most beautiful people in the galaxy are on Zeltros. Who needs Twi'leks?"
-- Ruudi Buundaz, talent agent

"I came for the people, I stayed for the party. If it weren't for the strictly enforced zoning laws, I'd move my entire business here!"
-- Nuboocha the Hutt

"Of course, I have no biological needs or functions, and pleasure-seeking is not in my programming. That didn't keep the hostess from treating me as well as any organic guest. Without a doubt, it was the most invigorating oil bath treatment I had ever received."
-- DK-4F3, protocol droid

"Jedis, they likes to say that the Force bindses all lifes in the galaxy togethers. But after a week on Zeltros, I thinks the Force is nothings compared to the powers of Zeltrons pheremoneses."
-- Red-Eye Baldarek, bartender

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Just a Cafarel
(O.o.C. disclaimer this one occurs after the Rise and Fall of the Empire Era)

Compiled by Cory J. Herndon

The following is transcribed from an episode of the popular holodrama series Zeltrons in Love, which bases its scripts on true events but also prominently advertises new products created by Zeltron scientists (the production was co-financed by the Zeltron monarchy). This particular episode was broadcast just once, as the New Republic Head of State threatened to sue the producers for slander.

We open in a dimly lit spaceport cantina on the fringes of the capital of Zeltros. It's late in the evening, and fewer than two dozen revelers remain. A Zeltron male sits alone at the bar and orders another glass of greenish liquor from the fat Devaronian male behind the counter.

Barkeep: Long times no sees, Derc. Jojo never sees such a glum-looking Zeltron. What gots you down, my old friend?

Derc: It's a long story, Jojo.

Barkeep: It's a slow nights, and you needs get something off chest, Jojo thinks. Is about what happens on Kabray, yes?

Derc: Yeah, that's where it started. That's where I saw her for the first time. I was working the conference, and I thought I had a chance to make some real credits. Cafarel girls outnumbered cafarel boys twenty to one. She was part of a delegation from some planet called Abba, or something like that. I'd never seen anyone like her. For a second, I thought she might be part Zeltron, but that wasn't it. Her emotional resonance -- it made my hair stand on end.

Barkeep: Thought that was your jobs.

Derc: Exactly. And I turned on the pheromones. I almost had her, too, I'm sure of it. Then some blonde guy with a pink rodent on his shoulder came and took her away.
'Some blonde guy with a pink rodent' from Marvel's
Star Wars #104, page 13; art by Cynthia Martin.

Barkeep: There's just no pleasings some beings, huh?

Derc: You got that right, Derc. It got so bad that I couldn't concentrate on my work once I came home. And in my line of work, a loss of concentration means a loss of business. I was going broke. I had to get this woman out of my system.

Barkeep: You knows her names?

Derc: I didn't catch it. Okay, I didn't even ask. Tell you the truth, I'd never had to ask before. But I soon found her again. She's some kind of Alliance bigwig, and in fact, she's here on Zeltros right now. And she's picked up a Corellian bodyguard. The guy won't let me near her, but he lets a pack of Zeltron teenagers follow her wherever she goes. I tell you, Jojo, I'm starting to think it's time I left Zeltros altogether, go try my luck closer to the Core. Get her out of my system.

Barkeep: You could do that. Or you could try Jojo's latest find. (The fat Devaronian produces a small blue bottle and displays the label to the holocam.)

Derc: "Essence of Zeltros"? Why would I need that?

Barkeep: Because one Zeltron is irresistibles, and ten Zeltrons are forces of natures! Or to puts it anothers way, one splash of this and you'll smells better to the ladies. A lot better. Thinks about it, Derc.

Derc:(Accepting bottle and opening it. He takes a whiff, and his eyes widen.) That is more powerful. With Essence of Zeltros, I'm sure to get the princess to notice me. Thanks, Jojo!

Barkeep: Don't thank me, thank Essence of Zeltros!

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I, Hiromi
(O.o.C. disclaimer this one occurs in the last year of the Rise and Fall of the Empire Era)

Compiled by Cory J. Herndon

The Hiromi, an insectoid species gifted with a remarkable sense of self-preservation, hold the distinct honor of the shortest successful invasion of Zeltros in recorded history, a short time after the Emperor's death at Endor. The Hiromi invasion, which consisted of taking over a large kitchen in the royal palace, was foiled by another invasion, which was interrupted by a third -- all within a few days. The final attack led by the brutal Tofs very nearly succeeded, but was ultimately defeated by the combined forces of the Alliance, the Nagai, Imperial holdouts, and the glorious Hiromi empire.

Operation:Glorious Destiny
Mission Report 834b
Kuratcha First Officer Hirog recording

Let's hear it for the glorious destiny of the Hiromi! Hooray!

The advance invasion forces of the Hiromi empire have scored an important victory. Now that Ensign Phoebe has assured us that no one is looking, we have swept into the throne room of Zeltros, and Captain Hookyr sits astride that throne even as I speak! I am also pleased to report the capture of our most feared enemy, the Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker. We have allowed Skywalker to keep his pet Hoojib, but he is securely bound. Next up, the glorious Hiromi invasion force will take control of the royal kitchen and prepare a midday feast for ourselves. Who will actually make the lunch is still being debated, as the kitchen is curiously empty. With Skywalker secured, however, Captain Hookyr believes the time is right for sandwiches.

I shall complete this report shortly. It sounds as if someone is at the door, and I need to hide. Hirog out.

Operation: Glorious Destiny
Mission Report 882d
Kuratcha Ensign Phoebe recording

I regret to inform our leaders that the glorious destiny of the Hiromi has hit a snag. I'm currently concealed in an equipment locker but will move to a safer location as soon as the coast is clear. The King and Queen are not, repeat, not under Hiromi control.

The initial wave of our invasion couldn't have been more successful, nor the timing more perfect. I was sent to observe the party that was being thrown by the Zeltron monarchy for the heroes of the Alliance, and ensure that the King and Queen were subdued. And they were -- by the sheer crush of beings in the grip of a full celebratory fever. I had received word that the throne room and royal kitchen had been captured, and I had no doubt that the rest of the world would soon fall.

Unfortunately, Hirog's intelligence assessment had left one important factor out of our invasion plans. A much larger force of warriors, white-skinned humanoids called "Nagai," have taken control of the party by force! They have the Alliance leadership, the King and Queen, and everybody else under armed guard. Were it not for my glorious Hiromi self-preservation instincts, I might have been captured myself.

I believe we may need to change our plans to accommodate these Nagai. I fear they would not make particularly friendly allies. My initial recommendation: Cancel the invasion of Zeltros and try a world that's less populated. Perhaps even unpopulated. Phoebe out.

Operation: Glorious Destiny
Mission Report 837b
Kuratcha First Officer Hirog recording

Let's hear it once more for the glorious destiny of the Hiromi! Hooray!

How our fortunes have turned! In only a few hours, the Hiromi have struck an important peace agreement with the brave Jedi Knight Skywalker, escaped from the clutches of the invading Tof, rescued four imprisoned Zeltron innocents, and taken the fight to the Tof warship itself. Though Skywalker was only a small amount of help in the battle, Captain Hookyr believes that keeping the peace between the Hiromi and the Alliance is in the end a better solution than being chopped into pieces. I must say I agree.

A word on these Tof: They're big, they're green, and they all carry clubs. They love smashing things indiscriminately. They are something out of a Hiromi's worst nightmare. The Tof are the blood enemies of the Nagai, the white-skinned aliens whose invasion foiled our own initial attempt. They intended to enslave the entire populace of Zeltros, as well as the leaders of the Alliance, but thanks to our efforts, the Tof have been defeated.

That said, I must now put in a request for transfer back to the homeworld on behalf of myself and the rest of the Kuratcha. Not that we fear to take part in the upcoming war between the Tof and the allied forces of the former Rebellion, the Nagai, and the Imperials. However, we will be able to serve our new friends in the Alliance better -- and the glorious destiny of the Hiromi more safely -- from a nice, safe, hidden planet.

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The Zeltron Who Cried
(O.o.C. disclaimer this all occurs during the end times of Rise and Fall of the Empire R.P. -Rebellion era- and beyond that)

Compiled by Cory J. Herndon

The smuggler-turned-warrior Dani is one of the most well-known Zeltrons in the New Republic. An old friend of Han Solo, Dani partnered for years with the Corellian freelance lawbender Rik Duel and the Rodian Chihdo, operating on the Outer Rim planet Stenos. Dani was the first Zeltron that Luke Skywalker ever met (on a mission that took place not long after the Battle of Yavin), and her obvious attraction to the young Rebel surprised even Leia, Han, and Chewbacca, all of whom were more familiar with the species.

So strong was Dani's attraction to Skywalker that when he and Lando Calrissian later met up with the smuggler trio, she stowed away on the Millennium Falcon and accompanied the Rebels to Lahsbane. When it became apparent that Luke would not be returning her affection -- at least, not yet -- she made off with an Imperial scout craft filled to the brim with stolen treasure.

Dani went through a great many changes in the ensuing months. After rejoining her Alliance friends on Iskalon and joining the Rebels outright, she met and fell deeply in love with the Force-sensitive Iskalonian warrior Kiro. (This led Skywalker, among others, to wonder if Dani was overwhelmingly attracted to blondes, the Force, or both.)

Unfortunately for Dani, the Iskalonian was apparently slain by the Nagai lieutenant Den Siva on Kinooine. Siva captured Dani herself and subjected her to weeks of mental torture and clinical study before she was rescued. The experience changed the Zeltron forever. No longer fun-loving or promiscuous -- not even around Luke Skywalker -- she had become driven purely by vengeance and a desire to exterminate the Nagai.

Though she lost her capacity for joy, Dani did set aside her hatred of the Nagai (and Den Siva) when the Alliance was forced to ally with the Nagai and Imperial holdouts on the Outer Rim to fight back the galaxywide invasion of the brutal Tofs. After that conflict ended, it is believed that Dani returned to Zeltros, though her exact whereabouts are unknown even to Rik Duel and Chihdo, her former partners.